It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
