There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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