Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
