no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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