Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
