If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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