if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
