I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my being single is dangerous.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
