i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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