my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
