just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
