So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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