I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
