he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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