I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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