its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
