I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
