i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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