No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
