So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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