my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
