This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
