You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
