I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
