I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
