im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
