I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
