i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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