Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
