If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
