she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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