I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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