dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
