She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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