took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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