Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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