i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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