I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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