last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I checked into jail on foursquare
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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