omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
