Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
