4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
