I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
