Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
