3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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