I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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