i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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