If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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