we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
