Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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