dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
