How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
