peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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