i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
